Hello NBC, This Is Your Charachters
by GoddessofSnark
Summary: Garret, Bug and Nigel discuss a few things that have been bugging them...


A/N: I don't own NBC or TPTB-the powers that be are kinda not owned (well, they sold their soul long ago, but that doesn't really count.) But yeah, this was an idea that popped into my head and now I'm posting it. I apologize if you ARE one of those rabid fangirls, but you really need to calm down if you are. I also apologize for the blatant self promotion, but c'mon people, review and I won't have to blatantly self promote.

* * *

The waiting room felt stifling and sterile. The two men traded anxious glances every few minutes, waiting to be announced. The TV was blaring another bad comedy about some guy who was attempting to fix the wrongs in his life. Finally a young woman dressed in a professional skirt and blouse stepped through the solid oak door. "Bug? Nigel? Mr. TPTB1 will see you now." The two walked into the large conference room.

"Hello gentlemen." There were three men sitting on the opposite end of the table. The man who spoke was the short bald one in the middle.

"Hello creators." The five men all exchanged handshakes.

"What can we do for you boys?" The one sitting to the right of TPTB1, spoke.

"Please save us, Tim!" Nigel spoke, his British accent having a whining, pleading tone to it.

"From what?" The three men on the other side of the table spoke in unison.

"Fangirls." The word came out of Bug's mouth with obvious venom and distaste.

"Oh, come on, they aren't that bad. They are quite flattering." The one with the beard said, grinning.

"Not our fangirls. Their fangirls." At the confused look on the three men that they were pleading salvation with, Nigel clarified. "Woody and Jordan fans. Most notably the Woody fans. The ones that couldn't care less about his character so long as JOC's in the scene." The oaken door opened again and an older man stepped through.

"Sorry I'm late." He said simply, taking a seat next to the other two on the one side of the room.

"Garret, glad you could make it." TPTB1 said, with a slight nod of his head.

"Sorry, kinda got tied up." The two men on either side of the president traded a smirk. "And it is your fault. But that's besides the point, what did I miss?"

"We were just talking about Jerry's fangirls and how they're-" Bug started and Nigel quickly cut him off.

"Complete, rabid fangirl hell." Bug glared at him for a minute before turning his attention to the three men that could possibly save them.

"Just put them together already. Save us all the grief." Bug suggested and the two men on the sides laughed.

"But that takes away all the fun."

"Fun for you maybe, but you don't have to put up with being ostracized in fanfic! Those fangirls are completely insane."

"Those are the exception, not the rule, look at Coffeerooms." TPTB2 pointed out. "Bug even has a fangirl on there." The Indian doctor stared down at the desk.

"Something needs to be done about those though. I mean, I'm lucky to get a mention in most fanfic." Nigel said with a pout.

"You do get a mention in most fanfic." Garret said and Nigel just grinned.

"But how many of them do I star in?"

"Quite a lot." Bug said. "I'm lucky to appear in a couple, and the ones that do feature me are usually you and I. Together." Nigel laughed.

"Awe, what's wrong with that luv?" Nigel wrapped his arm teasingly around the other man's shoulders.

"Gentlemen, please-" TPTB1 tried to rein the men in, but it seemed to be failing.

"Dr. M, you've seemed to have neglected how much fanfic you appear in. What's your fangirl status?" The man that the question was directed at merely shrugged.

"The ones I have are very devout. I have an entire C2 that has stories by more than one person in it, that gets updated regularly." There was something of a smug tone in his voice.

"Yeah, sure, rub it in why don't you." Nigel said, the teasing tone belying the hurt that he actually felt that the older doctor had a more devout fan following than he did. Or at least a more active one.

"But almost every fic in that C2 is by one author!" Bug protested.

"Yes, but she is a very devout fan, isn't she?" Everyone had to agree on that one.

"She is. You should see her and one of your other fangirls on Coffeerooms. You get those two going and there's no tomorrow." TPTB2 pointed out. "She also has a bad habit of starting threads that don't seem to end."

"But all your fangirls only want to see you shack up with Jordan, or a very blatant Mary Sue." Nigel protested.

"But what about the Woody Jordan problem, surely you have to do something? She's unbearable without Woody, and the fangirls are even worse, you have to put the two of them together."

"But all your fangirls only want to see you shack up with Jordan, or a very blatant Mary Sue." Nigel protested, not wanting to let the topic of Garret's fangirls go.

"Not true. The Southern Exposure series has me with a character that's obviously not a Mary Sue-and you get a girl in that too. And there was another great fic out there with another original character who wasn't a Mary Sue. And you're one to talk, nearly every fic that has you and romance is either with Bug or Jordan." Garret argued.

"Dr. Macy, Dr. Townsend, please. I do believe you came here regarding Woody and Jordan's fangirls, not your own." TPTB1 tried to bring piece back to the conversation.

"Yeah. And something has to be done about them. Either have Jerry go streaking every episode just to please them, or stick them together." The man to the right of TPTB1 who had stayed for the most part quiet during the whole exchanged seemed to make a mental note of that.

"But that removes all the unresolved sexual tension." TPTB2 pointed out. "And the show is so much more fun when you have the fangirls wondering what is going to happen next." Nigel shrugged.

"It's fun up to a certain point. What you did with that season finale was horrible. Jordan hasn't even had the chance to see him in two months. I hate the summer, being put in freeze frame, it is so demoralizing-" Nigel began and TPTB1 cut him off with a death glare.

"If you can get Steve, and Jill and Miguel and Jerry to commit to working year round with their current salary, we could do episodes year round. But that's you convincing your actors to act for this show every week." Nigel looked down at the desk, properly chastised with the truth.

"But still, do something about them! I don't care about the new love interests, the fangirls are going to become worse, not better." Bug argued, and TPTB1 nodded.

"Perhaps, but that's the way it is. It keeps them watching, doesn't it?"

"They've threatened to leave." Garret pointed out and the president's face fell ever so slightly.

"What do you think?" TPTB1 turned to the two men who had the most say over the three men that sat on the other side of the table.

"They're going to get together eventually. Just not yet." All three men that sat there facing the men who decided their fates rolled their eyes.

"That just ruined all my fangirl's hopes that I would get together with Jordan. Shame too." Garret said, and TPTB3 and TPTB2 exchanged yet another glance.

"You do know that all the smoldering looks you give her are merely Miguel's wanting Jill, not you wanting Jordan, right?" TPTB3 pointed out and he shrugged.

"Miguel thinks Jill is hot, I think Jordan is the same, I'm only a man, not my fault you wrote her so damn attractive." Every one of the six there had to agree on that point, that there wasn't much they could say in argument about Jordan and how attractive she was.

"Besides, that's what fanfic is for. At least the shippers who want you and Jordan together are literate and know what spelling, grammar, and proper English are." Bug said, frowning in distaste. "That's the worst thing about those Woody and Jordan shippers. There's so many of them that all you notice are the bad ones and not the good."

The three men on the other side of the table nodded sympathetically. "Happens with every show. The ones that all the squealing little girls want together get badly written, the ones that are unconventional get written very well. None of you can honestly say that the Bug Nigel fic out there is bad. Or the Garret Jordan fic." All three men had to agree.

"You should really hire some of those to write for the show. My most devout fan seems to do a pretty good job with words. There even is a Woody Jordan fangirl who writes really well, I've found myself in her fanfic more than once, even being a main character in one." Garret said and all three men on the other side of the table nodded.

"We'll look into it." Was the noncommittal reply. It would mean no, but that was the expected answer.

"We're still left with the Woody Jordan problem though." Bug tried once again to steer the topic back to what they had come for.

"Well, the fangirls will just have to wait it out, won't they? They're annoying, but at least they're not threatening to kill you." Garret frowned.

"That's my biggest gripe with half of these fanfic authors. I'm always the one to wind up dead, or close to it. I'm the one that winds up murdered, I'm the one that suddenly drops off the earth because of a heart attack. Or I have a heart attack to drag Jordan back to Boston." The older doctor griped and Nigel smirked.

"Even your most devote fangirl kills you off. She's done it what, twice? Three times?"

"I've had the misfortune of dying at her hands twice. But at least those were decently written deaths. The whole fic where Jordan and Woody are the last ones left and go tracking down the ones who killed us, that was a horrible death scene." Nigel and Bug agreed on that one.

"That was a painful death." Nigel agreed.

"Please do something to make the fangirls happy though? Just so they stop slaughtering us in the process?" Bug asked and the three men all traded a glance.

"Fine. I suppose we could drop subtle hints that things aren't completely beyond repair." TPTB3 finally agreed. "But most of the season is already-"

"Shot, we know." Bug finished.

"Which is why we're here to complain." Nigel said. "We want the rabid fangirls to be happy, because when the rabid fangirls are happy, our fangirls are happy because the rabid fangirls don't write as much horrible, horrible fanfic, and when our fangirls are happy, we're happy."

"Is that all then, gentlemen?" TPTB1 said, and the three other men nodded.

"Nothing else?" TPTB2 asked, and they shook their heads.

"We'll take your comments into consideration, but there are no guarantees. Let's just hope the fangirls are happy enough once the 25th comes by." The six men shook hands again before walking out.

"Do you really think your fangirls are more devout than mine?" Nigel asked Garret as they walked out of the conference room back into the waiting room and back out into the bright California sunshine heading back to cars to planes to Boston.

"I know it." Garret answered causing Nigel to frown.

"At least you have fangirls." Bug said, staring down at the pavement.

"Hey, you have at least one, luv. And no one's even begun to mention fanboys..." Garret was simply glad he wasn't drinking anything at that point because if he had been, it would have spewed out all over.

"Please, leave that for fanfic, or where I do not have to think of it." He told the two Englishmen and Nigel simply grinned, leaving Bug with a somewhat stunned look on his face.


End file.
